Minutes out of the driveway we hear a slight whimper coming from the rear of the car.  Randy sighs and repeats his earlier suggestion, “we can still turn around and leave him at home, Dear.”  Resisting the urge to give my dear husband a “look” so early in our little getaway, I unfastened my seatbelt, dig through the doggie basket in the back seat and fetch a treat.

Jake is accustomed to riding in between me and Randy when he is fortunate enough to ride along in the truck, snug in his bed, enjoying the attention and cool air blowing in his face.  We recently purchased a brand new SUV and it has really cool looking black and silver seats and I could just picture myself picking little short gray doggie hairs out of them with a tweezer so, now Jake was not only in the very back, he was in his crate and his mood appeared lack luster at best.  To make matters worse, he is a Dachshund, and old.  I offered him the treat, hoping to distract him and he might forget his troubles.  He usually snatches his treats up with gusto but he can also turn his enthusiasm on and off at will because he is a dachshund, and old.  Giving in, he takes the treat and begins to chomp away, although with no indication that he’s enjoying it.

Randy recently took a new job and even though we were thrilled with his new opportunity, we knew it wouldn’t be possible to take our annual anniversary trip in September so we decided to take advantage of his time off in between jobs and go a mini vacation.  Branson, Missouri is always a popular go-to destination when we are short on time.  Starting with a one night stay in Eureka Springs, Arkansas we were ready to let the fun times begin!

Since Jake had done so well last year on our Colorado trip, I didn’t hesitate to pack his things and smiled at his adorable reaction when he realized he was actually going to get inside the new car!  Randy wasn’t so eager to include the third passenger.  “Are you really going to let him ride in your new car? He rather stated than asked the question.  I replied “sure, Honey! He did ok when we went to Colorado, he’ll be fine!”  Jake looks from one of us to the other during the exchange still peering upwards at the driver’s side waiting to be picked up and put inside, up front, with us.  Randy stated matter of fact-like, “anything that can walk underneath the car without touching anything shouldn’t be allowed to get in it”, but he wrangled the dog crate into the back anyway (which is much too tall for such a short dog but to get one long enough for a full sized dachshund you end up with a cage big enough to house a Rottweiler.)

I placed his bed in the crate with extra padding underneath and tossed in his “blankie.”  I double checked the house for any straggle items I might have overlooked while Randy fired up the engine and cranked up the A/C.  Now, lastly, it was time to put Jake in his cozy crate.  He sniffed his surroundings and seemed satisfied that all his familiar things were in place and we hit the road.

As Jake finished his treat I soon realized that I had already begun rewarding him for his bad behavior and we weren’t even out of Okmulgee.  We manage to cruise out of Oklahoma and into Springdale, Arkansas without much incident (aside from Jake reminding us from time to time that he was still in the VERY back of the car.) At the beginning of our trip, against our better judgment, we let Google Map’s “Samantha” re-route our path from straightforward state highway 412 to a winding, curving, annoying detour through a residential area of town.

As we wove our way through numerous traffic circles with three to four exits, tensions were beginning to rise.  Jake was in full blown whine mode.  Randy and I kept telling ourselves that Samantha did this to us because there must have been massive construction on highway 412 and not because taunting unsuspecting travelers was on her to do list that day.  Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer, Randy was hurling unpleasantries to other drivers who thankfully could not here him and Jake was being a Dachshund and not shining any complimentary lights on his breed.  “Jake!!! Shut up!!!” I yell extra loud to be heard over Randy.

Again, I unfasten my seatbelt, climb into the back to hook Jake’s leash to his collar.  We spent the next several miles with me jerking the leash with every whine attempt.  Randy calmed down when he decided I had lost control, but he did manage a cynical “and WHO wanted to bring Jake along?”

My response to Jake’s bad traveling behavior might seem a bit harsh, but when you consider, while inconvenient, Randy made frequent stops, Jake was carefully taken out of his metal confines, placed on a grassy surface in case urges to take care of “business” arise and has a nice bowl of cold water pushed at him…..I think you get the picture.  Our grown children have often implied that Jake’s spot on the family totem pole is a notch or two above theirs, ridiculous!

We finally escaped Springdale and threatened Samantha with the off button if she sent us on any further goose chasings.  Not far down the highway we turn off onto a two lane and coasted into Eureka Springs over hill and dale with whining wienie dog in tow (who are you and what have you done with my dog?)  He was taking this wanting to be in the middle thing beyond and back again.

After checking in to the Best Western, Randy and I stretched out and got comfortable.  We had 5:30 reservations at the Log Cabin Steakhouse just outside of Eureka Springs and decided to rest a bit before we had to get ready. In the meantime Jake was busy hunting for critters around the beds, drapes, or wherever they might be lurking.  Before we knew it, it was time to head out the door.   In his flurry of sniffing and “hunting ” Jake was oblivious to the things that he usually picks up on such as the activities leading up to us leaving and him staying.  He finally sensed it with perked ears that quickly began to droop as I picked him up to put him in the crate.  Droopy ears + sad eyes=poor wienie dog. “I’m all aloooonnne, no one besiiiide meeee.”

The next morning I got up, threw on a t shirt and shorts without any other attention to the rest of me and started my little paper cup of coffee.  Meanwhile, I woke Jake (yes, he has to be woken these days if he doesn’t hear us rustling around) and decided we could go outside real quick and take that morning stroll he needs to get things moving!  Fifteen minutes later we were still strolling, nothing but liquid had come out of him.  Finally, I got tired of the early rising fishing people gawking at us with curiosity and headed back to the room.  I no sooner made it over to my now cool paper cup of coffee and turned to see Jake dropping the solid stuff on the floor!  So there we were, me looking a disheveled mess, dragging the wienie dog back outside where he promptly finished his task that was long overdue.  Ridiculous!  Not wanting to be considered one of THOSE kinds of travelers with pets I cleaned up his mess inside and out, Randy would be taking the same path Jake had taken out the door to my new car…….you get the picture.

When you stay at the Best Western, you get this lovely breakfast buffet, I love breakfast buffets as long as I can get to them before the other 600 people do.  Randy and I started a diet changing event 3 weeks before leaving on our trip, eating good things that don’t have very many calories and exercising.  We were expecting to be our new lean selves in time for our anniversary trip in late September.  Walking up to the buffet felt like going in a candy store and the clerk handing you a thimble to put your candy in.  We did quite well though, using our new Lose It! app on our phones to log in our calories, but Randy had his wolfed down in seconds and sat waiting for me to finish.

And then the inevitable happened, a group of geek-like bikers entered the dining hall and chose to sit right next to our table among all the other empty tables in the place, this seems to be our lot when we go out.  Since he was seated closest to them, Randy was forced to endure their loud biker talk that for all purposes had to be for our benefit since of all the men in the room Randy was the only one that resembled a would-be biker dude.  I told him he shouldn’t be so macho and intimidating.  We laughed about it back in the room and he told Jake we had seen the characters from the movie, “Wild Hogs.”  Jake wasn’t tickled by the story, I guessed because he hadn’t experienced it first- hand like we did.  He dismissed our chatter and skulked over to his bowl in the bathroom area to make sure he lapped enough water on the floor in case housekeeping needed it for mopping.

We checked out of the best Western and I had this bright idea to help with Jake’s newly acquired traveling issue.  After placing him in the crate in the back, not front, not between us, I took his quilt I was using for extra cushion and covered the entire crate with it.  If he couldn’t see us or hear us, he would be content and sleep, just like a parrot!  Great, so about the time we reached the state of Missouri and were approaching yet another traffic circle, (what is it with these states and their weird road puzzles?) Jake was not only whining at full speed he was hot and panting because he had no air flowing in his cell!  Brilliant, Beck, just brilliant.  Randy makes a left when he should have made a right and grumbled something at Samantha for not letting him know what to do soon enough.  As we found a place to turn around, to help ease the tense atmosphere I turned up the radio rather than go back to my leash jerking tactics.  It worked for a few miles.

At last, Hollister, the little town adjacent to Branson where we rented the lovely little cottage.  We arrived early, I think in part, due to our ever increasing miles per hour.  Increase in whining = increased MPH (there must be a scientific application to this.)  While waiting for the cottage to be ready, a cruise down through Branson was a must so off we go and quickly saw we have made yet another bad decision.  Just so happens the Little League World Series was being played out in Branson that very weekend.  Randy likened the slew of traffic to maggots.  I was glad again that the others on the outside could not here what he was saying about them from the inside of the car. Finally, after a sea of tourist attractions and motels we reached the Titanic Museum which is our landmark to turn off the dreaded 76 strip.  “Hush Jake” was only spoken 5 times during our short Branson strip tour allowing us to observe the outside surroundings instead of trying to constantly maintain peace on the inside.

Hollister has a nice Country Mart grocery store where we stopped before we checked in to the cottage.  Randy and Jake patiently waited outside in the car for me to shop and decide what we were having for dinner.  Little did they know I was close to abandoning my buggy and running for the doors so I could come out to the comforts of the screaming hot parking lot.  It must have been 10 below in there!  There were little old ladies in there wearing sweaters and turning blue for crying out loud!  I stuck it out though.  By the time I reached the cash register the ends of my fingers were white and I couldn’t feel them.  It took me a while to get my items placed on the conveyor belt not to mention the trouble I had plucking the debit card out of my wallet.  I hurried out the doors after paying for my groceries and never thought 98 degrees Fahrenheit could feel so good, I took my time pushing the buggy to the car.

The cottage was located on Lake Taneycomo but we still had a little time yet to kill.  A snap assessment of Jake said he was definitely thirsty so we found ourselves a little boat ramp in the neighborhood of the cottage. Perfect! Randy found a nice little shade to park under and I headed to the back and fetched Jake to take him down to the water.  Walking down the boat ramp and across the rather large river pebbles proved a little more daunting for Jake than I expected. He took the tiny little steps he uses first thing in the morning and whenever he chooses to resist going anywhere.  He finally made it to the edge and drank up the very cold water (Lake Taneycomo is below the Table Rock Dam creating cold fishery waters for fish like trout.)  After he finished drinking and sniffing the shoreline I picked him up rather than let him wobble back to the boat ramp where he disappeared into some weeds that looked an awful lot like poison ivy.  I told Randy that I hoped dogs couldn’t get poison ivy.  He replied “if there is any dog that can catch poison ivy, it’s Jake.”  You can read whatever you like into that.

When our cottage was ready for its new occupants we set off back down the little street. The owners had left the door unlocked and we were greeted by very pleasant and cool air in our quaint little home for the next two days.  It had become super hot outside so we were happy to settle in and not venture out the rest of the evening.  Jake gave his final approval of the place after inspecting each room by making his way over to his water bowl I had set out first thing and lapped up more water making sure he left a little extra on the floor.

The area was perfect for relaxing complete with shade trees and a bistro set with an umbrella on the patio overlooking the Lake.  Since Lake Taneycomo was created by the use of a dam, it is actually White River so it is constantly flowing, making for an even more relaxing scene.  There were large Hostas and potted flowers sitting around which gave Jake ample opportunity for exploring.

The cottage patio gave way to a very steep flight of little bitty concrete steps leading down to a dock. Due to a herniated disc Jake has difficulty managing his gait at times, often his zig becomes a zag and his hind parts topple (not much harm results in a 3-4 inch fall though.)  Needless to say I was a little concerned when Jake inevitably made his way over to the “cliff” of steps.  Front paws poised at the edge he just had to check it out and sniff the air coming off the water.  Of course I couldn’t just let him be, I had to go over, risk startling him into a fall and herd him back over to safety like you would a toddler; Randy looks on without even so much as a “ and WHO wanted to bring Jake along?” Amazing! I love him.

Old downtown Branson is a pretty cool place with the old five and dime stores and flea market shops; they have a knack for adding more and more places to visit including the Bass Pro Shop on Lake Taneycomo, and they also have a knack for not creating additional parking areas to accommodate the extra cars circling around and around trying to find a spot that won’t leave a 2 mile walk to the array of venues that look so enticing in the brochures.

The following day we had a nice breakfast at the cottage, waved adios to the pouting wienie dog and headed out the door for some shopping.

I finally found a place to park (I was driving, how did that happen?) and we meandered to our hearts content through scads of shelves and booths filled with everything from cool nostalgic collectables to items Randy said probably had become an antique just while sitting on the shelf; he has this talent for putting perspective into interesting verbiage that makes me laugh.

Unlike the frozen grocery mart the flea market had no air conditioning at all, just fans blowing sweaty air around but we were real troopers; trudging on as if it was the last chance we would ever have to pilfer.  One item I kept going back to was a neat old white enamel medical tray with a lid.  What would I do with it?  I couldn’t even hang it on a wall or set it on a shelf without taking up too much valuable space.  Since I didn’t encourage him when he was ogleing the John Wayne lunch box, Randy didn’t insist that I rescue the tray from its lonely spot on the shelf so I left it behind.

We had one more night of our little vacation left.  The first night did not turn out as expected.  The bed was super comfortable so we thought, no worries! We were anticipating a quiet and restful night.  Wrong.  During the night, I don’t know what time because I really don’t like knowing how much sleep I am going to lose from that point on so I won’t look at the clock.  All of the covers were kicked off and we were both sweating.  Not cool, not cool at all.  I got up to fumble with the thermostat and nothing happened, I heard no whirring of the a/c.  By the time Randy was alert and wondering what happened to me, I had been in the bathroom where the inside unit was and out in front of the cottage where the outside unit was checking for anything amiss.  After switching on the light he reached for the controls and made a minor adjustment and poof!  The a/c came to life! It’s a miracle!  Actually I had been fiddling with the levers on the top and the ones that adjusted the thermostat were on the side, I got the “look” AND a sigh.  Jake slept through the whole ordeal.

Dinner was a snap the following night.  Call family owned Italian restaurant across the street.  Order eggplant parmesan, meatballs and salad.  Walk across street to pick up food.  Eat, drink and be merry!

With a check out time of ten o’clock the next morning, I didn’t have time to cook up any breakfast so we packed up and planned on having something on the road.  We bade farewell to the cozy cottage and left Branson in the rear view mirror.  Along the highway I was scheming to find a place to get food and a picnic area to eat at.  The new hasn’t worn off of the car and I don’t want to eat in it because I enjoy the “new car” smell not onions and ketchup.  Jake must have been afraid he would forgot how so he started practicing his whines.

Joplin, Missouri became our next destination.  I had it all planned.  We would get Chic-Filet and continue on Interstate 44 until we reached the Oklahoma visitor center and have our brunch at a picnic table. Perfect!  By the time we made it to Joplin Jake reminded us that it might have been a good idea to check in to finding a doggie sitter before going on our trip.  As we were searching for the Chic-Filet that was clearly on the Google map I began to feel the same edgy fog descending on us like in Springdale and definitely when we realized we had driven deep in the town just to find the Chic-Filet was in a mall!  You can’t bring Dachshunds in the mall!  Thankfully there was another one, a free standing one, on the same street a block from the interstate.  Becky needs to go to mapping school before she is let out of town again.

Chic-Filet has great sandwiches but something was not right at all when we pulled up ready to get in line and order.  There were employees everywhere outside milling around with iPads and stuff.  I didn’t get it.  Randy said they take the orders from you and then you drive around to the other side to pick it up.  Ok, but it’s 95+ degrees outside!  Can’t we just push a button, tell the person inside what we want like every other place?  They look like a bunch of sweaty kids that need a bath!  Or a splash pad to work in! Ridiculous!

It was hard to tell if the little gal got our order right, she was soft spoken and it was difficult to hear her over Jake, who didn’t care about their employment woes, he just wanted something, we didn’t know what.  As we exited out onto the street, I wanted to check our sack to make sure we got what we ordered but I didn’t want the aroma drifting towards the back so I left it cinched tight.  Jake had quieted down by this time, we suspected that he might have smelled our food but we weren’t sure.  “What’s he doing?” Randy asked, keeping his voice down and his eyes on the road. “I don’t know, I’m afraid to turn around and look at him, it might set him off again.”  I answered in the lowest tone I could manage.  Finally I chanced a peek at him using my visor mirror so he wouldn’t notice and become suspicious.  “He’s just looking up this way but not panting and his mouth isn’t moving either so that’s good.” Good dog.  He was relatively quiet the rest of the way.

At the visitor center I was disappointed to see that there was only one picnic table on the property.  I am sure the center sees hundreds if not thousands of travelers each day judging by the crowded parking lot, so what is up with only one table?  Do they not want anybody hanging around that long?  Just get your visitor information and get the heck out? Geez.

There were two women hanging around the table but they were not actually sitting at it.  By this time I was starving and I wanted my Chic-Filet!  I started gathering things up and Randy joined in on the frustration. “Did they have to put the table in a high traffic area where the dogs go and everything?” He was not convinced that we should use this table at all. “And look, there’s someone there already.”  “They won’t stay, look at them, they are moving towards that van, let’s go.”  I was getting desperate.  I grabbed the leash and hurried to the back to get Jake, he had started whining again and looking thirsty.

The two women got into their van with the rest of their traveling party and left so I hurriedly scrambled over with Jake and sat down claiming the spot.  When Randy made it to the table I gave him Jake’s leash so I could get the water and food bowls and he could join our little roadside picnic.  I went inside the center to buy Jake some cold water and noticed an armed officer but assumed he was just there for refreshments.

We sat enjoying our lunch (it’s not brunch anymore) and watched the activity going on around us.  The one officer turned into two, then three, then four, I stopped counting after that.  After exiting the building they searched a truck pulling a loaded down little trailer.  Not satisfied, the officers searched the driver, they handcuffed the driver and headed for the passenger.

While all of this was going on, we were munching away enjoying the cop show and Jake was working feverishly to identify all the different dog smells, he couldn’t decide what area to mark so he appeared to just randomly pick one.  Now that he was free from his crate, he thought it best to make the most of his freedom and continued to snoop and hunt while another handcuffing was occurring at the truck and trailer.  We finished our sandwiches and Randy decided we had better get out while the getting was good; while he disposed of our trash I gathered up Jake and his bowls that he had barely touched.  As we were leaving the arresting party had moved under the veranda in front of the visitor center where more questioning and handcuffings were going on.  This was much cheaper entertainment than anything we could have found in Branson.

As we were on the last stretch before our first Oklahoma toll gate familiar noises began wafting up towards the front from the very back.  What could he possibly want now?  I pulled down my mirror to spy on him.  Jake’s tongue was out and he was licking his chops anxiously.  I yell “he’s thirsty!!! “He spent so much time at the visitor center worried that he was going to miss an important sniffing event that he didn’t drink his water!”  “Aaaaahhhh!! Help me!!!”  Randy appeared calm on the outside.  I think he was afraid to speak lest he encouraged me to lose control again.  Ridiculous wienie dog.

At the toll gate Randy pulls the car off in the little employee parking lot after we pay so I could get out and give the “snitz” (short for Wiener Schnitzel, it’s what we call him when he is really being a pest) a drink and a treat.  I was on a roll rewarding him for his bad behavior why stop now?

We finally made it back home with no loss of life.  Naturally I got Jake out first and he immediately began checking out his turf for any new smells that might have been left behind in his absence.  After he was satisfied that no action needed to be taken he strolled over to the back door looking back at us waiting to be put inside. The elevation from the garage floor to the utility room is too tall for him to jump or climb.  Gone are the days when I could look out the back door to find him lounging on top of the picnic table under the umbrella.

Like a good Dachshund mommy I opened the door and put him inside and returned to the hot garage to help Randy with the unloading; he just looked at me and shook his head.  Loaded down with Jake’s things he asked “Well, do you want to take him on any more trips, Dear?” “Well, I guess we will just have to cross that bridge when we come to it, Honey”, giving him an air kiss because I couldn’t reach him for the load of baggage he was holding.

We finally got everything lugged into the house.  I was out of breath, hot, and tired.   I put our dirty clothes in the hamper, filled Jake’s bowls up and set them on the rug next to his nighttime bed in the utility room while Randy collapsed in his recliner.  Walking through the kitchen I looked around for Jake since I hadn’t heard anything from him in a while.  As I rounded the bar I saw him, laid all cockeyed on his kitchen bed fast asleep.  After all vacationing is hard work for an old wienie dog!

THE END